The Goblin Trio (Plus Two Others) Variety Hour!

Nameless Productions is borderline shamed to present ...

In no way, shape, or form endorsed or even acknowledged by FNBH Productions ...

A cautionary tale of green hearts and bad jokes ...

[Theme Music - Applaud Now]

Voice Over Guy: Today, we join Charlie and Albert as they meet beside their humble underground dance floor ...

Albert: Hey Charlie, what are those rocks that you're standing on?

Charlie: Oh, they're just the shattered remains of what used to be the fourth wall!

[Pause for laughter]

Albert: Wow, where'd you get those Charlie?

Charlie: Well, Albert, I'm glad you asked. Let's just say that I was went a bit overboard while I was break dancing!

[Pause for laughter]

Albert: But what WAS the fourth wall?

Charlie: It was very important to us imaginary characters. You could say it was the very cornerstone of our existence!

[Pause for laughter]

Albert: ... God damn it, I quit.

Charlie: Wait! We still have fifty eight minutes to go! I know commercial stations have long ad breaks, but I don't think this will cover it!

Albert: No, I mean it this time. F*** - this - s***. I'm going home.

*Albert storms off*

Charlie: Albert!

*Ellen pokes head around corner*

Ellen: Psst, Charlie! Am I on yet?

Charlie: Wait, Ellen? I didn't think you even agreed to be in this spin off!

Ellen: I didn't. But Dink said ...

Charlie (shaking fist): DINK!

*laughter is heard from off screen*

Ellen: But I spent hours practicing 'My Heart Will Go On'!

Charlie: Yeah ... no. Sorry Ellen.

*Ellen vanishes, face fallen*

Charlie: Man, this so does not kick rocks. I should have stuck with Andrea. At least she paid well. I miss our dental plan.

*Bob walks on*

Bob: Hey Charlie!

Charlie: Hey, Bob. Did you see what Albert just did?

Bob: I've been talking to Dink, and we're going on an adventure!

Charlie: Bob, Albert walked out on us again. The show's stopped until we find a replacement. Maybe we should call in Alan, he was a fan favourite. Or at least Alan's cat.

Bob: Come on, it'll be fun! We're going to Candy Mountain!

Charlie: Uh, you don't have to act. This show's as over as that troll was under ... our bridge. Hey, that's a good one. I should write that down.

Ellen (off-screen): Um, not really Charlie.

Bob: I heard there's a chocolate factory there!

Charlie: ... You're not even listening to me are you.

Bob: It's on a mysterious island though ... and some guy was saying you'd die there. Weird, huh?

*Albert storms back on*

Albert: Hi guys, now where did I leave my copy of the script?

Charlie: Albert! You decided to come back after all!

Albert: What? No. I'm going to ceremoniously burn it.

Charlie: Oh.

[Pause for awkwardness]

Bob: Oh and your sister Lola wants to come too. Apparently they don't have tomatoes there.

*Dink walks on stage, holding the script*

Dink: Here it is ... but you'll have to catch me for it!

Albert: Okay, you realise this weapon is real, right?

Dink: Ha! Haha! ... Ha.

[Pause for Dink to get it]

Dink: F***.

*The Yakety Sax starts playing as Dink is chased by an angry Albert, who is shortly chased by a desperate Charlie, who is thereafter chased by a confused Bob. Ellen walks on oblivious.*

Ellen: Near ... Far ... Not knowing where we are ... I believe that these bad jokes go on ... Once ... more ... These jokes are a bore ... But they have a fan base ... So these jokes will go on and on ...

*The four goblins glance at each other and begin chasing Ellen instead, as the stage managers storm on angrily, chasing them all off stage (followed shortly by the angry live audience).*

Please God let it be The End!