<(^_^<) The Legend of Smil (>\_/)>
Part II: Hero Isn't the Word I'd Use
Previously, on the Legend of Smil:
...
...
...
(vo_o)v
Smil: Dude, nothing happened.
What, really? Surely something must have happened?
(v-_-)v
Smil: You didn't even introduce any characters.
Hm. Fair point. I guess I'd better do that then. So... characters.
Characters.
Characters, characters, characters...
(v-_-)v
Smil: Did you actually plan, like, anything?
Heeey... I don't suppose you want to-
- - -(>O_O)>
Smil: GET ME OUT OF HERE!
Right. I'll take that as a no.
{v‹›_‹›}>--o :-o
????: Wait, what about me? I'm a character! I can be the main character! Pick me!
Gorb: I'll be a character!
{v{}_‹›}>--o :-(
????: What the heck? He's not even IN this story! He's a Gorb!
Gorb: You don't have to say it like that...
{v\_/}>--o :-S
????: SHUT UP, MORTAL.
Gorb: Hey, no, wait, what are you doing with that staff?!
{^\_/}>--o ~~~ Zap!
????: Feh, stupid Gorb.
Oh, well done. You just killed off my only running joke. That's it, you're not getting introduced until at least Part V now.
{v;_;}>--o
????: But he deserved it!
Part VI.
{v;-_-}>--o
????: ...
SO. Uh, moving on.
This is the Legend of Smil. A epic tale of war and peace, truth and deception, trust and betrayal, villains and heroes, night and day, black and white, cheese and chalk, and other various opposite things many of which bear no relevance to this story. An epic battle, that once begun, would rage for years before coming to a sudden, dramatic conclusion. But where did the tale truly begin? Some say it began the day that our 'hero' left on his quest to find milk. Some say it began when the old crone Snakeeyes first prophesised the coming of the Great Evil. Some say it began even earlier than that, when Necro first began on the dark path. Some take the more literal approach and say 'in Part I' (hilarious, guys, hilarious). Some say this conflict was always inevitable, and that it truly began at the creation of the universe, the forces of good and evil fighting even then. For practical purposes we're not going to start quiet THAT far back, but you get the idea.
And so, not a moment too soon (but arguably a number of moments too late) our story begins, on small farm in Smilville, near a strangely small herd of cows...
/=P
Cow: ...
/=P
Cow: I'm not a cow.
Yes you are. See, you look like a cow. You've got legs, a body and a head. A cow.
/=P
Cow: I do not [bleep]ing look like a cow.
Shut up. You're a cow.
/=P
Cow: ... I hope I'm not supposed to be the main character here.
You're not. You're a COW. Now shut up and moo, the character's coming.
/=P
Cow: ... Do you mean, actually coming, or just 'coming later' coming.
Shut up and moo, cow.
/=P
Cow: ... I'm not mooing. I'm not a freaking cow.
If I say you're a cow, you're a DAMN COW. Now MOO.
/=P
Cow: No.
*sigh* You asked for this.
/=P
Cow: Asked for what?
/=P
/=P
Dan: STEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!
Cow: ?
*splatter*––+<(^_^[]<)- - -
.,.,.––+<(^_^)>[]
Dan: Steak!
.,.,.(>o_o)>
Dan's Father: DAMN IT DANIEL!
.,.,.(>o_o)> <(\_/v)
Dan's Father: Damn it, can't you just make ONE trip to the store to pick up a bottle of milk without doing this EVERY TIME?!
.,.,.(>o_o)> <(\_/v)
Dan: ...
.,.,.(>^_^)> v(-_-v)
Dan: Cows make milk.
Dan's Father: Not after you've killed them.
.,.,.(>?_?)> v(o_ov)
Dan: But how else do you get the milk from inside them?!
Dan's Father: You squeeze their tits.
.,.,.(>O_o)> v(o_ov)
.,.,.(>-_-)> v(o_ov)
*blink*
.,.,.(>O_o)> v(o_ov)
.,.,.(>O_o)> v(o_o;v)
Dan's Father: What?! That's how it works! That's how you milk a cow!
Dan: ... I like milk.
.,.,.(>^_^)> <(-_-v)
Dan's Father: Then go GET some. And try NOT to kill random cows this time.
Dan: I will quest for milk!
––+<(^_^[]<)- - - v(o_ov)
Dan: For great justice!
- - - v(o_ov)
v(o_ov)
(vo_o)v /=P
Dan's Father: So I guess it's just you and me now, eh Bettie?
(Moo, if you know what's good for you.)
(vn_n)>/=\o
Cow: Moo. *eats grass*
Dan's Father: That's a good cow.
And you think that's bad? ... Well, Dan's one of the heroes.
{v;‹›_‹›}>--o
????: You have GOT to be kidding me.
Will Dan succeed in his quest to find milk?
Is Dan *really* the hero?
Will we answer any of the questions from the LAST part, let alone this one?
Some of this and less, in the next part of the Legend of Smil!