<(^_^<) The Legend of Smil (>\_/)>
Part III: Would You Like Fries With That?
Previously, on the Legend of Smil:
.,.,.(>^_^)> <(-_-v)
Dan's Father: Then go GET some. And try NOT to kill random cows this time.
Dan: I will quest for milk!
This time, on the Legend of Smil:
Meanwhile, at an unrelated - although conveniently nearby - tavern, another character YES THAT'S RIGHT I HAVE MORE CHARACTERS! TAKE THAT RANDOM-GUY-WITH-A-STAFF!
{>9_9}>--o
????: Just get on with it.
Right. Near a nearby tavern, the Near Beer, the mysterious and withdrawn wizard known to most only as 'X' nears for beer, or near enough to hear beer, as she leers at beer near, as beer too oft draws tears and fear as it nears ears in Near Beer, for Near Beer beer is queer with sheered deer. Did you get all that?
_________
|Near Beer|
(>b_d)> °#########
*walk*
X: Hm, the Near Beer. I fear the beer is queer, but it shall suffice for the planned purposes of the intended visit.
_________
|Near Beer|
(>b_d)>°#########
*Open!*
_________
|Near Beer|
°#########
*ENTER!!*
(>b_d)> |||v(ŏ_ŏv) (>o_o)>
X: BARKEEP! I demand your service!
(>b_d)> |||v(ŏ_ŏv) (>o_o)>
Barkeep: What can I get you, my good... sir?
(>\_/)> |||v(ŏ_ŏ;v) (>o_o)>
X: FOOL! I AM NOT A SIR I AM A LADY AND YOU WILL RESPECT MY GENDER!
Barkeep: Uh, sorry sir.
(^\_/)>– |||v(Ŏ_Ŏv) (>o_o)>
X: ... *EFLAM*!!
(>\_/)>– |||v(Ŏ_Ŏv) (>o_o)>
(>\_/)>– |||v(ŏ_ŏv) (>o_o)>
(vb_d)v |||v(?_?v) (>o_o)>
(vb_d)v |||v(-_-v) (>o_o)>
Barkeep: Uh...?
(>b_d)> |||v(ŏ_ŏv) (>o_o)>
X: Sorry about the wait, it's a delayed action spell.
Barkeep: Uh-huh.
(>b_d)> |||v(ŏ_ŏv) (>o_o)>
Barkeep: So... Did you want anything to-
(>u_u)> |||v(Ŏ_Ŏv) <(O_o<)
Barkeep: AARGHOHGODOHGODSTOPTHEUNBEARABLEPAINITBURNS!!!
X: Note to self: Stop buying spell books from Acme.
Meanwhile, at the Acme headquarters...
(>o_o)>+ <(o_o<)
Acme Worker: Sir, sir, I've just discovered a serious fault with this Tome of Eflam!
Acme Manger: What exactly seems to the problem?
(>o_-)>+ <(O_O<)
Acme Worker: It seems to be in perfect working order, sir.
Acme Manger: BY GOD! We can't have that!
(>;o_o)>+ <(\_/<)
Acme Worker: What do you suggest, sir?
Acme Manger: Take out pages 3 through 15! QUICKLY, BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!
Acme Worker: It will be done! *rip*
Back in the Near Beer...
(>b_d)> |||v(?_?v) (>o_o)>
X: Now. I have heard rumours you hold the secret component to unlock the powers of the mighty Cow Bomb spell...
Barkeep: We what?
(>\_/)>– |||v(ŏ_Ŏv) (>o_o)>
X: Milk you fool, milk! I know you have it in your possession. BRING IT TO ME!
Barkeep: Sure... Coming right up... What name should I have it brought to?
(>b_d)> |||v(ŏ_ŏv) (>o_o)>
X: My name is Xenaphobianationbloodspellonionring
Barkeep: ... I'll put it down as X.
(vb_d)v |||v(ŏ_Ŏv) (>o_o)>
X: Yes... yes... it's all falling into place... Soon, ultimate cosmic power will be under MY domination! And only then shall-
Barkeep: Would you like fries with that?
(vb_d)v |||v(ŏ_ŏv) (>o_o)>
X: ...Wait, what?
Barkeep: I asked, would you like fried with that?
(v\_/)v |||v(ŏ_ŏv) (>o_o)>
X: You DARE interrupt a powerful magician's monologue to ask ME if I want FRIES with THAT?!
Barkeep: But, do you, uh, want fries with that?
(v\_/)v |||v(ŏ_ŏv) (>o_o)>
X: NO!
Barkeep: Okay, then. Your order will be with you in a minute.
<(b_d<) |||v(ŏ_ŏv) (>o_o)>
X: See that it will.
|||v(ŏ_ŏv) (>o_o)>
|||(vŏ_ŏ)v <(o_o<)
Assistant: What was with the guy in the glasses?
Barkeep: I have no idea.
|||(v>_>)v v(<_<v)
Assistant: Do you think we should suggest him for...?
Barkeep: It might be a good idea. Who knows, with magic like that he might even actually be able to-
|||<(ŏ_Ŏ<) <(o_O<)
Dan: STEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK! *splatter*
|||<(ŏ_Ŏ<) <(o_O<)
Dan: I know it's in there somewhere! *splatter*
|||<(ŏ_Ŏ<) <(o_O<)
Dan: Aaah, crap, that one's a bull.
|||<(>_<<) <(>_<<)
*WHAM*
|||<(ŏ_Ŏ<) <(o_O<)
Dan: Oh lookie, I can see my heart!
|||(vŏ_ŏ)v v(o_ov)
Assistant: Do you think he wants fries with that?
Barkeep: I think it's probably a better idea to stay far, far away from him.
Assistant: That's probably a good idea.
A short time later...
(vb_d)v
X: Curses, what is taking so long? Cosmic domination will not wait!
(vb_d)v <(ŏ_ŏ<)
Barkeep: Would you like fries with your Cosmic domination?
X: No. Stop wasting my time.
(vb_d)v <(ŏ_ŏ<)
Barkeep: Would you like fries with that wasted time?
X: No.
(^\_/)>– <(Ŏ_Ŏ<)
Barkeep: Would you like fries with your, uh, glasses?
X: *EFLAM*!!
(v\_/)>– *running-like-crap noises!* - - -
(vb_d)v
X: ...
(v^_^)v
Barkeep: OHGODTHEPAINTHEFIREOFHELLISBURNINGMEAARGH!!!
(vb_d)v U<(o_o<)
Assisstant: I give my heartfelt apology for the wait. Would you like fries that?
(v-_-)v U<(o_o<)
X: Just give me the milk.
(vb_d)v U<(o_o<)
Assisstant: Here you are.
(v'O_d)v (>^_^)>U <(O_O<) *Shoved!*
*ka-snatch!*
(vb_d)v <(^_^)>U <(o_o<)
Dan: Whee! I got milk! Quest accomplished!
(vb_d)v (>^_^<) <(o_o<)
*gulp*
(vb_d)v <(^_^)> <(o_o<)
(v\_/)>– <(^_^)> - - -(>O_O)>
X: Oh, there WILL BE BLOOD!
Will there be blood?
What the heck were the Barkeep and his assistant talking about?
Would YOU like fries with that?
All this and more for just 50c extra, in the next part of the Legend of Smil!