This Is Why I'm Not

(To the tune of This Is Why I'm Hot by Mims.)

This is why I'm not
This is why I'm not
This is why - This is why
This is why I'm not
I'm not because I suck
Close as fridge to hot
This is why - This is why
This is why I'm not

This is why I'm not, my lyrics are a joke
Listen to the chorus, you'd think your record broke
I represent the bums, cause I just got the sack
I really can not sing, so I'll just stick to rap
Now I'm dirty dirty, nobody wants a hug
My checks start to bounce when I open my mug
I didn't pass grade ten, some people say I'm slow
So I steal their wallet, and knock'em (down onto the flo')
If you need me to chant, then I'll do it all day
In front of the mirror, but I'm not actually gay
I've fallen pretty low, though I try hard anyway
But let's face it, Hollywood's not in my way
And when I try to rap, people tell me that I'm @!#$
For offensive behaviour, I barely was acquit
I'm not real legit, or the epitome of wit
They lean over to spit, so simply I admit ...

(chorus)

This is why I'm not, hit me with a block
It'll sound better listening to me drop
Sixteen beers, twenty 'fore I'll stop
Four more to go, better give me those you've got
I'm into bumming rides, petrol money means what?
I'm into robbing stores, I can't afford to shop
If you need a rat, I could get it trapped
Tell me what you need, but I'll keep the meat in fact
I call my home a street, sleeping on the ave
I keep all my goods on a stick in a bag
But I'm into big dreamin', though life is oft a drag
I spy on passing women that you niggas never had
For those who say they know me, know I ain't living a dream
Playa you come between, me and a spilled ice cream
I'll fight for it mean, like it was cuisine
So when I say I'm not, nigga I do really mean ...

(chorus)

This is why I'm not, I think you get the point
If you keep listening, I expect to disappoint
So if I have mike, get the hell out of the joint
Run around screaming and you'll sound less disjoint
If I see a fan, I tell 'em "What the @!#$?!"
I mean damn, does your taste in music ever suck!
I gave 'em Black Train and I Did You Wrong
So every time I see them, they quickly move along
I say I'm the bomb, but I set off an alarm
Cops aiming at my neck, and detaining my arm
Which ends with me in jail, talk about a fail
So when I hit the cell, as if I'd get bail
Crims start to hate, rearrange my face
But little do I know, they're staring at my waist
"Dropped the soap" they reply, but their plans go awry
Saved by their agony, opening my mouth whereby ...

(chorus)