Just Another Cliché   

Heroes who on their first day oversleep,
But later find they never have to eat
His peasant village will be destroyed
Ending in leaving him quite annoyed!
Strangely his party are overly young
From just twelve years old to twenty-one
Our Hero has only ever one first name
(Apparently chosen just before fame)
So why is he chosen to do all this shit?
Hm... well... uh... a wizard did it

The whole world fits into a rectangle
The key to save the world's a pendant or bangle
Every single shop sells a sword much better
At some point you'll deliver a letter
All good soldiers are inherently weak
People talk to you but you never speak
Whenever you stop at an inn to rest:
You can heal injuries, poison or death!
One sappy scene will make you want to hurl
No matter what you have to save the world

Bookshelves fill up exactly half a page
The female lead is always the mage
Everything you meet in between towns
Wants to kill you so keep your head down!
No button nor switch is the right way
Always listen to what the old men say
Magic-wielding elves and rather evil orcs
Butt-ugly trolls and short fat dwarves
In many dungeons you'll be forced to delve
Humans are always more common than elves

Seventeen artefacts that are quite small
Naturally you must collect them each and all
Walking into random houses and stealing crap
Falling into what's an obvious trap
Complete one task and you'll just get another
End up helping the enemy, so why bother?
Don't be surprised when rats drop mutton
There's always a self-destruct button
A mysterious ally wearing a hood
Empires are evil but kingdoms are good

If someone warns you off you must go that way
Items cost the same no matter where you stay
Mana, hit points, levels and XP
A blatant disregard for any chemistry
Anything 'Ultimate' is always not
You can strangely survive thrice being shot
You always arrive in the nick of time
Most people repeat just one line
Nothing at all happens while you just wait
Ninety nine high potions, gee that's great!

All allies get much weaker when they join
The hero often thinks just with his loin
You can't use Revives in a cut-scene
Everywhere there is, you will have been
No one ever dies if they take a fall
In town, there's not enough houses for them all
You'll be betrayed by to whom you confide
Every villain ends up dead or on your side
You never have to follow any law
The bad guy's plans have an obvious flaw

Yeah, an evil power hidden for a thousand years
The next town to die is the one with no fears
Though the hero will wield just a sword
The bad guys have guns, factories and more!
After a year you wear the same clothes still
Find your old master; he'll teach you one last skill
You can steal from anyone's home at all
Unless they happen to run a shop or stall
Whenever you travel it is never night
Rumours and prophecies are always right

If he says something crazy he's probably right
Deep and dark caves are inexplicably light
The more important you are, the more weird you hair
Wherever you go, the bad guy's already there
Everywhere you go just takes the same currency
At some point in time you'll need to talk to a tree
If it's too good to be true; you know damn well it's not
No matter what else there's always a robot
Rather than kill you, rivals will never shut up
Then they let you get away to go level up

A monster that's both green and blobby
Killing will soon seem to become a hobby
Any cool spells like Petrify or Death
Will never work so they're pretty useless
And right after you have saved the world
Only then will you always get the girl
After saving her from someone very bad
Who inevitably turns out to be your dad
But before the final item you be baggin’
You ALWAYS have to fight at least one dragon!

Do you get that sense of de-ja-vu?
Another ending you already knew?
A nagging feeling, that won't go away?
Just another cliché …