***Really Pathetic Genre - Episode Eleven - NPC - Not Particularly Creative*** [A wise man once said: Wisdom shared means lives spared.] (Joe, Joe and Chicken stand just outside the south gate of The City of The.) Chicken: Okay, okay, so *how* exactly do you *know* they are in here? M. Joe: Oh, for the last time! After Joe lost track of - F. Joe: Excuse me? You were the one who was leading us! M. Joe: Okay, after we lost - F. Joe: *ahem*. M. Joe: Alright, alright. After *I* lost track of them... You know, I probably would have tracked them a bit better if I hadn't been so tired. F. Joe: Please, don't start on that again. If we want to keep up, we have to get up early. It's as simple as that. M. Joe: We could always walk a bit faster. By which I mean, Chicken could walk a bit faster. Chicken: Hey! YOU try walking on legs this short! F. Joe: We could always carry you. By which I mean, Joe could always carry you. Chicken: Hell, no. There is no way in hell I am getting carried around like common poultry. By which *I* mean, there is no way in hell I am getting carried around like common poultry. M. Joe: You ARE common poultry now. Chicken: That's beside the point. M. Joe: No, actually, I think that *is* the point. Anyway, after I lost track of them... uh, what was *my* point again? F. Joe: Uh... I'm not sure. M. Joe: Huh. Maybe I already finished. Chicken: It wasn't a very convincing point then. M. Joe: Hmm... No, I guess not. F. Joe: The question is, why don't you want to go into The? Chicken: Why do you think? Someone might recognise me. M. Joe: I doubt it. It's been five years, and let's face it: All poultry pretty much looks the same. As long as you don't speak, nobody will even notice you. Chicken: And you don't think somebody will notice my obvious aura of intelligence? F. Joe: Come on. All we're doing is going in, finding out what the heroes know about Yggip, and leaving. Everyone will just assume we own you. M. Joe: Yeah Chicken, don't be such a chicken. Chicken: Oh you just HAD to crack that one didn't you? I'd peck your bloody face off right now, if I could reach it. (Meanwhile, Alex, Marche, Jess and Sahed stand in a dark street behind the The prison.) Jess: Hey, do you think I could use that trick to break *into* houses? Sahed: That 'trick' as you call it would not work unless there was substantial magic behind it, which I very much doubt you could muster. Alex: Jess, do you really have to think about gold *all the time*? Jess: Yes. Alex: Uh, well, that wasn't exactly the answer I was expecting. Jess: Trust me, after living alone by my own wits for so long, gold is everything. Gold is the difference between a warm bed or cold stone, the difference between vegetable soup or roasted rat, and as often as not, the difference between life or death. Marche: Okay, I think you're being a bit melodramatic even by my standards. Sahed: So tell me, Alex, what is it next that you plan to do? Alex: Me? At what point did I become the leader of this party? Sahed: You seemed logically the most suitable to the task, myself withstanding. But it would be rude of me to impress myself upon this group when I had only just joined. Alex: Look, for a start you probably saved our lives back there. That more than qualifies you for party leader. Jess is far more organised than I am and obviously has more determination to save Yggip, even if only for the reward. Marche... okay, I take your point about Marche. Marche: I could so lead this party! What with my amazing and creative ideas, and of course my trusty ranger skills. Jess: Congratulation Marche, you just nicely summed up why you shouldn't lead the party. Sahed: In any case, it would be wise to decide soon. The authorities shall undoubtedly being searching for us soon, and it would be wise to be away when that happens. Alex: Can't you just magic us up a disguise like you did to yourself before? Sahed: Normally it would be of no trouble, but since my powers are weakened I could not sustain such an illusion on all of us for any extended period of time. Alex: What are we supposed to do then? We can't just run away... a city this size almost certainly will be able to send a message out to other towns. If there is one thing I am NOT doing, it is becoming an outlaw. Marche: We could always turn ourselves in. I'm sure if we got a chance to explain ourselves they'd understand what happened! Sahed: I doubt it. The word of a guard is far more respected than that of a common criminal, especially one the city hates. Marche: Ah, but that's the point! We aren't criminals, and if we had a chance to explain this... Jess: Er, actually... Marche: Well, most of us anyway. Alex: Actually, now I think of it: Sahed, do you what exactly the 'Devil Clan' is that we are being accused of being in? Sahed: I know some of the situation from the locals. The Devil Clan is a group of extremists that have been attacking the town in the past few weeks, and have caused several deaths. The military have tried to stop them, but their actions have been so random they are unpredictable, and they are not aware of the Clan's location. Jess: This town has its own military? Sahed: Apparently. Marche: The has a history of invasions, revolutions, monsters... it's not exactly the safest city to live in. The military have kept it pretty safe and happy for the last few years. Alex: Except now for the Devil Clan. Marche: Exactly. Alex: So, we have been accused of being members of the only danger to come to The in the last few years, in a city with its own military that has pretty much nothing to do with their time. Marche: Yep. Alex: Am I the only one whose just a *little* worried about that?! Sahed: I fear no mere army. Jess: Meh, I've been on the run against the law continuously for years. I could leave you losers and escape easily. Marche: I'm not sure I even fully grasp the situation! Alex: ... I hate you all sometimes, you know that? Sahed: Your excess anger has been previously comprehended. Jess: Well, duh. Marche: Of course! Alex: ... Alex: You know what? Screw this. There is no way I'm becoming an outlaw. We need to clear our names somehow. I can't believe I'm actually going to suggest something this... heroic, for lack of better term, but as the apparently delegated leader of this party I say we're going off to find and stop the real Devil Clan to prove that we are against them. Marche: *sniff* Alex has finally grown up into a true hero. Alex: Shut up. Better a hero than an outlaw. I'm only doing this because I have to. Sahed: If you lead, I shall follow. If the Devil Clan has been powerful enough to avoid capture, you will need magical help to locate them. Marche: Or, we could go ask a random NPC. Alex: Why would some random NPC know? The militia obviously don't, so it's not exactly likely... Jess: Careful Alex, you're bordering dangerously close to using logic again. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a reward to earn. (Jess walks off.) Alex: Jess, wait! Jess: What? Alex: You can't just walk off! Jess: Why not? Since I joined up with you all that's happened is I've been slowed down and diverted. Well, I'm not letting myself get diverted any longer. The sooner I find Yggip, the sooner I get my reward, and I can guarantee that will be a lot sooner without you slowing me down. Alex: Aren't you even slightly worried about the militia? Jess: Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're obviously forgetting a key point here: I'm a rogue. I've been in just about every militia's wanted books for years. It's my *job* to be unlawful. This reward is my one chance to get rich, and maybe settle down somewhere remote. I'm not giving up that chance just for some stupid terrorist group. Alex: Maybe you should see this as your one chance to get out of those wanted books. If we manage to do this the city will probably pardon you for your crimes. Jess: So? I'll be they won't pay a large reward. I know what these government types are like. Marche: What are you so worried about taking your time for anyway? Jess: What kind of a question is that?! I don't want Team Blimp to find Yggip first! Sahed: Team Blimp? Ha. Those fools would be lucky to find the end of their own noses. You have nothing to worry about. Besides, do you still honestly believe Yggip will be found alive, if at all? Marche: Of course he'll still be found! Everyone knows heroes ALWAYS arrive in the nick of time! Jess: What the hell are you on about? Marche: Duh! No matter how long the heroes take doing anything, no matter how many nights they waste gold staying at an inn, no matter how many pointless side quests they embark on, the heroes will always arrive just in time to prevent whatever disaster the main plot unfolds. Jess: That makes no sense. Marche: It's like an unwritten law. The bad guys always wait until the hero is completely ready before beginning their plan. It's no fun just taking over the world and crushing the good guys while they're on level three... it's only a *real* victory if you beat the good guys at their best. Sahed: What would you know of being an evil villan? Jess: Ah-ha! But if I leave the party I won't be a hero anymore! They'd have to wait for you, who would be far behind me! Marche: No, we'd still arrive just in time to stop YOU doing something. Or you'd just be killed of as some kind of plot device to inspire hated towards the bad guys. Jess: ... Okay, now you're just confusing me. I'm out of here before you're 'logic' permanently lowers my intelligence stat. (Jess turns to leave.) Alex: Please, Jess. Stay. Jess: No. (Jess takes a step away.) Sahed: I was hoping it wouldn't come to this but... Jess, you must stay with this party. Jess: I *told* you, I'm not going - Sahed: My father held a great fortune when he perished. If by some chance Team Blimp, or anyone else, find Yggip and claims the reward before we do I shall pay you the same amount offered. Alex: ! Marche: Dude! Jess: ... Are you serious? Sahed: If it will keep this group together to find Yggip, I will pay the cost. Some things are more important than gold, as I am sure one day soon you will realise... Jess: Okay then, let's get started! But I want that promise on a written contract. Alex: You know, for someone who doesn't respect the law you sure seem to like contracts a lot. Jess: Sure *I* don't think anything of contracts, but other people do. Particularly those with a lot of gold. And in positions of power. Alex: Hey, works for me. (Sahed walks up to Jess and hands her a piece of paper.) Marche: That is it! I can't stand the abuse I get in this party! I'm leaving to go off on my own! (Marche walks off a bit, then stops.) Marche: I said, I'm - Alex: Yeah okay, very funny Marche. We get it. Sike, and all that. Sahed: There is no chance that I would pay for *you* to stay in the party. Marche: Aw, come on. Sahed: This party has no need of one of such inferior class as a ranger. Marche: Bah, you're no fun. (Marche walks back.) Alex: Okay, let's get this over with. I think we should split up for the moment to cover the most ground. Try looking in libraries, maps, public records, government buildings, anything that may hint as to where the Clan comes from. Even go around asking random NPCs if you have to, because I know you're going to do that anyway Marche. Marche: You've got that right! Alex: Let's go. We'll meet back here in an hour. (Alex and Jess walk off.) Marche: Alright! It's Marche's time to shine! Sahed: ... (Marche walks off.) Sahed: I can not believe I agreed to join these fools... Pray this business will be finished swiftly. (Later, Alex is wandering around the city gate. He walks up to a random NPC.) Alex: Excuse me, I was wondering if - NPC: Welcome to the bustling city of The! Alex: Er, thanks, I guess. I'd just like a little help with - NPC: Welcome to the bustling city of The! Alex: Yeah, you kind of already said that. NPC: Welcome to the bustling city of The! Alex: Look, do you, or do you not, know the location of the secret Devil Clan hide out? NPC: Welcome to the bustling city of The! Alex: ... Alex: This is hopeless. I hope the others get lucky, or - NPC: Welcome to the bustling city of The! Alex: Oh, shut up! (Alex walks off.) (Meanwhile Jess is sneaking around a darker part of the city.) Jess: How could Sahed offer me so much gold, like that? He must have a good reason to believe Team Blimp wouldn't find Yggip first... but what? (Cut to Joe, Joe and Chicken in the entry of The Jail.) M. Joe: Excuse me, have you seen anybody around here by the name of - Jail keeper: Hey! You're those crooks that escaped from jail last week! (Several guards suddenly appear) F. Joe: I challenge you all... to a rock-paper-scissors off!! Jail keeper: ... (The guards run after Joe, Joe and Chicken, and they flee.) M. Joe: Run away! Run away! Chicken: (*sigh*) (Back to Jess.) Jess: I can't believe I have to stay with those idiots though. Those fools will be the death of me, I swear. (Suddenly Isaac appears.) Isaac: Hey! If it isn't my favourite customer Jess! Fancy meeting you here! Jess: Oh god, not you again. Isaac: Looking to make a buy today are you? I've got just the - Jess: Isaac. I'm kind of busy at the moment, so let’s keep this short. No, no, no, no, no and go away or I'll cut your balls off. Isaac: Huh, not in a good mood then? Jess: I'm going to have to refer you back to my previous statement: No, no, no, no, no and go away or I'll cut your balls off. Isaac: What are you busy with? Whatever it is, I can probably help you... for a price. Jess: I don't suppose you know the location of the Devil Clan's hide out? Isaac: Why, yes. I do! And I'll tell you too, for the paltry fee of - Jess: To recap: No, no, no, no, no and go away or I *will* cut your balls off. Isaac: Come on, I can't just tell you for free! Jess: Two things, Isaac. First of all, if I listen to Marche any random person would tell me for free. Second of all, you really want your balls cut off don't you? Isaac: You know what? I'll just go now and stop annoying you, shall I? Jess: Good idea. Isaac: But if you do change your mind about that priceless magic key of - Jess: For fuck's sake! Isaac: Okay, okay! Going! (Isaac runs off) Jess: What the heck is with that guy anyway? (Later the group meet up at the alley again. Marche is already waiting.) Marche: So, how did you guys go? Sahed: My inquests were... rather uninstructive. Alex: Suffice to say if I get welcomed one more time I think I'll scream. Jess: Don't even ask. Marche: Huh. Well anyway I found out the Devil Clan's secret hide-out is in a large cave to the north east. I even got given it's exact location, and learned that while it may appear to be well defended there is a secret entrance around the west side that leads into the leader, Mr. Devil's, chamber. Additionally I have a comprehensive list of each and every Devil Clan attack. From the onset they appear random, but the attacks seem to focus mostly on the government and business section of the city, especially near this city's Beeragon factory and the mayor's house. From this we can deduce the clan may have something to do with Yggip being missing, though possibly this may be just a coincidence. Oh, and the Devil Clan have these cool magic night-goggle things so there's not much point waiting until the cover of darkness. Alex: HOW THE FUCK DID YOU FIND ALL THAT OUT TALKING TO RANDOM NPCS!?!?!? [Alex earns the 'Excessive Exclamation Enhancement' award!] Alex: Okay, what the fuck was that? Marche: Alright! Sometimes through great feats, or terrible misdoings, heroes can earn special awards that enhance or diminish their powers. Guess which category yours falls into. Alex: Ri-ight... So, as I was saying, how the fuck *did* you find all that out talking to random NPCs anyway? Marche: Hey, you've just got to know which ones to talk to. It's a ranger thing. Jess: I think it's fair to say I may have underestimated your skills after all. Sahed: Indeed, I feel perhaps I was too hasty in my judgement of your chosen class. Alex: ... I think I'm still in shock. Let's go. (Later, the party are at the north gates of the city, behind a large tree. Jess pokes her head out for a moment.) Jess: Okay, the guards are gone for the moment. Let's move. Marche: You sure are good at this, Jess! Jess: I've been doing it for years. Now shut up and let's get the hell out of here. (The party begin towards the gate, but are interupted...) NPC: Welcome to the bustling city of The! Alex: Uh-oh. Sahed: Be silenced, fool! NPC: Welcome to the bustling city of The! Sahed: DARKFLAME! (Darkflame burns the NPC, who dies.) Alex: Okay, I know he was annoying, but don't you think you perhaps went a tad overboard there? Jess: Quick, into the bushes! I can hear the guards coming! (The party dive into the bushes. Two guards walk up.) Gate Guard #1: I could have sworn I heard something... Gate Guard #2: We'd better wait here for a while just in case. I hear a group of Devil Clanners are on the loose... It'll be our necks on the line if they escape. Jess: (Quick, follow me and stay close behind. Don't make a sound.) (The party sneak through the bushes.) Marche: (Dun-dun... dun, dun, duuuuun... DUN, dun, DUN!...) Jess: (Shut up!) Marche: (Sorry.) [To Be Continued...]