***Really Pathetic Genre - Episode Three - Preparations*** [A wise man once said: You are either prepared or dead. There is no third choice.] (Alex and Marche are walking back into Homtown.) Marche: Man... my whole body aches. I'm sure that journey was longer back than it was out. Alex: It's probably just because you're wounded. You know, after you tried to take on those bandits. And lost. Badly. Marche: Do you have to keep reminding me? Just drop it! Alex: Yeesh, touchy, touchy. (Alex and Marche stop at the well in the centre of Homtown. Two young children are playing nearby.) Alex: Okay, so now we've managed to get back we need to get some new armour. And a weapon. And a few healing herbs wouldn't go astray. Marche: What do we need any herbs for? We're in a town. Not only that, your home town! Heroes ALWAYS get to rest for free in their home town. Alex: Yeah... but I'll be damned if I'm going to wait another day before setting out. Marche: Wait, you want to go straight back out there? Alex: Yes. The sooner we go the better. (The two children stop playing and watch Alex and Marche) Marche: But if we go now we'll probably have to camp half-way to Stelton. That's probably just going to put us more at risk than walking there during the day. Alex: I don't think there's too much risk. The sooner I get this over with the better. Marche: Not much risk? What about those bandits? I suppose they weren't much risk either. Alex: No. The chances of something like that happening again are pretty low. We were only targeted because I was unarmed and unarmoured. Marche: I guess... but come on, a hero travelling at night is just *begging* for something exciting, mysterious and hinting at darker things to come happening. Alex: Like what? Some random drunk walking away from Stelton, looking for a beer? Marche: Nah, that would be too obvious. More like... A mysterious clothed figure searching our possessions, then vanishing without taking anything. Alex: Call me crazy, but I think only a drunk would do that. A drunk drunk too, not a sober one. Marche: It could happen! Alex: Tell you what, if I see one I'll tell you. Jack: Hey, mister! Alex: Huh? Oh, hi Jack. Marche: You know these kids? Alex: Yeah, I've talked to them before. Marche: Did you meet them in the tavern too? Alex: ... You know what? I'm not even going to validate that question with an answer. Jill: Alex sometimes comes to play with us in the morning! Jack: Yeah, he plays chasey with us! Jill: *giggle* He's not very good at it. He staggers everywhere like some kind of a monster! Marche: Aww, that's sweet. Alex: Uh... yeah. And if you ever mention it to anyone else I swear I'll bash you up. Jack: *gasp!* Bullying is wrong! Jill: Yeah, we should all be friends! Jack: Yeah, the more friends the better! Marche: Yeah, Alex. Take that back you meanie! Alex: Okay... I'm sorry Marche, I shouldn't have said that. I apologise. Marche: Hee-hee. Alex: Shut up. Jill: Hey, Alex, are you going on an adventure? Jack: Yeah, with fairies and dragons and stuff? Alex: No, actually I'm - Marche: Yes he is! He and I are going off on an adventure to the mysterious town of Stelton! Jack: Oh! Are you going to fight any bad guys? Marche: Of course! It wouldn't be an adventure without killing some nasty monsters! Jill: Awww! Don't kill any monsters! What did they do to you? Jack: You shouldn't just kill something because of its race! Jill: That's desci... dics... discrimination! Jack: That's bad! Alex: Marche is just joking. We aren't going to hurt anyone are we? Marche: Well we might if - Alex: *are we*? Marche: Uh... no. Of course not Jack: Yay! Jill: Are you gonna bring back some gold? Jack: What about treasure? Like shiny rings! Toby went on an adventure and he brought back some shiny rings! Jill: What about unicorns? Are you gonna go meet any unicorns? My mummy said she saw a unicorn once, out in the forest! Jack: What about princesses? My daddy says if you rescue a princess they let you - Alex: Woh! I think that's enough questions for now. It's getting late. You'd better go home before your parents start worrying about you. Jack: Awww! Jill: No fair! I wanna come and see a unicorn! (Jack and Jill skip off out of sight.) Alex: *sigh*. Those two can be annoying. Marche: I think they're cute. Alex: Anyway, we'd better get on with it. Now since those bandits took all our gold, I'm kind of broke. Marche: Don't you have any gold at all? Alex: No. I usually get paid each week-end. Marche: Wait... what do you do for a living anyway? Alex: Oh, I work with my parents on their farm. I've been meaning to save up enough to move to Ranplac, but... well you can guess what happened to that. My mother would probably loan me some gold, but I don't really want to get any more in debt than I already am. Marche: Oh... that's sad. Marche: So, how are we going to pay for our stuff then? Alex: Actually, this is the point where you are supposed offer to pay for everything. Marche: What?! You're the hero! You're supposed to pay for everything, in return for my dedicated service! Alex: Hey, you never mentioned that when you came up in the bar! Marche: I implied it! How could you not have understood? Alex: Okay, okay: When exactly did you 'imply' this? Marche: Oh, come on. I said 'Prepare yourself'. You know, like prepare yourself for this adventure? Alex: What?! You said that just when you were about to attack me! Like, 'prepare yourself for my attack'. Marche: Well you were wrong. Alex: Look, if you don't want to help, feel free to leave at any time. It would probably save me a few headaches. But there is no way I am going to be paying you or anything like that. Marche: Oh all right. Just this once. And only because I'm being generous. Alex: Thank you, now - Marche: but only on one condition! Alex: What? Marche: You owe me one. Alex: That's it? That's your one condition? Marche: Er... yeah. Alex: Okay then. So where do you live anyway? Marche: I live with my dad too. He's started working in the weapon shop here, and we live in a cellar at the back. Alex: ... you're kidding me right? Marche: No. Where else am I supposed to live? Or did you not notice that your house is, in fact, the only house in the whole village? Alex: I guess when you put it like that... Wait, where does everyone else live? There's plenty of other char- er, people living in this village. Marche: Maybe they're all homeless? Alex: I doubt it... the only homeless person I know is Harry. Marche: Who's Harry? Alex: Just a homeless guy I met a while ago. He moves from town to town a lot. Marche: You could ask Jack and Jill next time you see them. Alex: I guess. Wait... how do you know Jill's name? I don't recall mentioning it in the conversation. Marche: Uh... I... Oh yeah, there was a label on her backpack. Alex: She wasn't wearing a backpack. Marche: Well you see, the thing about that is... Oh look! A minor distraction! Alex: ... Come on then, let’s go get some new stuff. (Alex and Marche walk down to the weapon and armour shop, and enter. Inside, the shop is divided into two sections, one for armour and one for weapons. Behind the armour counter is Toby the dwarf. Behind the weapon counter is Lloyd the weapon dealer, and Peter, Marche's Dad. Alex and Marche walk up to the weapon counter.) Peter: Hey! Marche! How ya going son? Marche: Hey, Dad. Can you bring me up some of my savings? Ten gold should be enough. Peter: Ten gold? What are you doing? Marche: I'm going on an adventure! Peter: Really? What kind of an adventure? Alex: Oh, I'm not going through this again. What Marche means to say is that he has offered to come with me to Stelton for a day to try and find out why the tavern's beer supply has not arrived. Peter: Ah, okay. What happened to you? You look awful. Marche: We were attacked by some bandits. I tried to fight them off, but they managed to overpower me by numbers. Alex: Uh, actually there were - Marche: But I managed to drive them off before they could kill us. They managed to get away with my bow though. Peter: Your bow? Oh... you weren't using Lora were you? Marche: Yeah... I'm really sorry Dad, it wasn't my... Peter: That's okay... I know it wasn't... But god, that was the only thing we had left from... Marche: I know, I know... I'll try and get it back, honestly. Peter: I pray you succeed. It's... more important than you realise. Alex: Huh? What's - Lloyd: Hey! Are you going to stand around talking all day or actually buy something! Peter, get back to work! Peter: Sorry boss. (Peter descends the stairway) Lloyd: Now, are you two buying or not? I've got customers waiting! (Marche looks around) Marche: Funny, I don't see anybody - Lloyd: *I've got customers waiting*! Marche: Oh-kay... Alex: As it happens, yes. I would be interested in purchasing a sword. Lloyd: A sword? Alex: Yes, a sword. Lloyd: God-damn ignorant noobs, a 'sword'?! What type of sword, in particular, would you be interested in? Alex: Uh, I dunno. What types have you got? Lloyd: 'I dunno'. 'I dunno'?! Bloody hell, what I have to put up with... Marche: You know if you treat all your customers like that you aren't going to end up with much business. Lloyd: Ha! There's only *allowed* to be one weapon vendor per town. Where else are people going to go? Marche: They could go to another nearby town. Lloyd: But the beauty of it is, they need a weapon to do that safely! Marche: That's no excuse. Lloyd: It's good enough for me. Now, Mr. 'dunno', let me tell you what types of swords there are. You can get a long sword, a broad sword, a short sword, a great sword, a two-handed sword, a... (Peter appears again, and walks to the counter) Peter: Here you go Marche. Marche: Thanks. See you in a few days! Peter: Stay safe. Lloyd: Hey! I said back to work!! Now, as I was saying, we also sell katakanas, scimitars... (Peter walks back down stairs.) Marche: Tell you what; I'll just go get us some armour while you sort this out. Alex: Good idea. [You gain 10 gp!] Alex: Did you just say something? Marche: Uh, no. Alex: Meh, must have been my imagination. Lloyd: Of course we also have buster swords, a large variety of sabres... (Marche walks over to Toby.) Marche: Hi Toby. Toby: Hi laddie! What cen I do for yeh? Marche: Well, I'd be interested in purchasing some armour. Toby: Yeh don't say... what kind a' armour are yeh thinkin' about gettin? Marche: Uh... I'm not really too sure. Toby: Well, what do yeh be needin' the armour for? Marche: Hmmm... I guess I need the armour to durable against the elements, rustproof, fireproof, comfortable, easy to clean, difficult to dirty, a light colour, acid proof, not too heavy, but strong enough to repel most common weapons, some kind of built in sweat bands, something that matches my headband, not much more expensive than a few gold, a lot of large pockets to carry my inventory in, one size fits all, warm in winter but cool in summer, stretching material, and my bum can absolutely NOT look big in it. Toby: Let meh check... (Toby walks to armour rack and looks through it) Lloyd: There are also knight swords, falchions... (Toby walks back to the counter) Toby: Would yeh believe it, we do have two traveller's vests that fit all of yeh requirements, and they be on sale for only two gold each! Marche: Great! I'll take them. [You lose 4 gp.] [You gain 2 Traveller's Vests!] (Marche walks back to the weapon counter) Marche: Well, I've got some armour. Have you bought us any weapons yet? Alex: Are you kidding? I haven't even heard all the sword types yet! Lloyd: Did I mention we also sell masumes? And all our swords come in a variety of base materials such as iron, copper, bronze, steel... Alex: Alright, alright! Just tell me... what type of sword would do the most damage? Lloyd: Well that depends on the situation doesn't it? OBVIOUSLY a great sword would do the most damage against your regular foes, but for armoured foes it's not going to be much help. Now fighting against heavily armoured foes, you'll need... Alex: Okay! Tell you what, how about you just pick which sword would be best suited for me? Lloyd: You? I'd say no swords were suited to you. You look like more of a pole-arm person. We have... Alex: No! Please, just which sword would the easiest to use for someone with not too much skill? Lloyd: If I *had* to pick one I'd say a close first would be a long sword, standard metal, a broad handle with a better grip. Perhaps a slightly longer custom sword for someone of your stature. Alex: Great, I'll have that. (Lloyd fetches a sword from a crate) Lloyd: Here you go. That will be three gold. Alex: Three gold?! That's a bit rich! Lloyd: Are you kidding?! Do you know how much those custom handles cost?! Alex: Alright, fine. [You lose 3 gp.] [You gain a Custom Long Sword!] Alex: Now my... acquaintance over here would like a bow. (Alex steps back and Marche steps forward). Marche: What kind of bows do you sell? Lloyd: Bows? Bows?! We have long bows... Marche: Yes? Lloyd: And short bows. Marche: That's it? Lloyd: Well, come on! Bows? Who uses bows these days? There is no market for bows! Marche: What about all the rangers? The archers? The snipers? The hunters? There are dozens of classes that use bows! Lloyd: And they all suck. Marche: Hey! Lloyd: Well it's true. Bows have very little potential in melee combat. Alex: Ha, I told you so! Marche: Bah. Well I guess I'll have a long bow then. (Lloyd fetches a long bow.) Lloyd: That will be one gold. [You lose 1 gp.] [You gain a The Weakest Most Pathetic Cheap-Arse Bow In The Game!] Marche: I suddenly feel so insulted... Alex: Come on. We've still got to get some healing herbs before we go. Marche: Yeah, okay. (Alex and Marche leave the store.) [To Be Continued...]