***Really Pathetic Genre - Episode Six - It's Never That Easy***

[A wise man once said: Even the wise sometimes have nothing to say.]

(Alex, Marche and Jess walk into the town of Stelton.)
Marche: Hurray! We've finally reached the town of Stelton!
Alex: Yeah... this place looks pretty much like it did last time I was here. Perhaps a bit less maintained, if that were even possible.
Marche: Wait, you've been here before?
Alex: Yeah, once when my family was on a trip. We had to stay at the most shabby inn, ever. I think the problem is that nobody here cares about anything. It's actually kind of depressing.
Marche: There don't seem to be many people around here at the moment though.
Alex: That's because it's like, seven o'clock in the morning. Most people would still be asleep in the morning. I think this is actually the first time I've ever actually seen this fabled 'morning' thing. It's quite an experience.
Marche: Well if *someone* hadn't woken us up so early...
Jess: What? Gees, do you expect me to just wait around while you lazy people just sleep?
Alex: You could have always, I don't know, slept yourself.

(Marche looks around.)

Marche: You know, this place sure has a lot of pots in it.
Alex: Now you mention it, there do seem to be a lot of them. I wonder if that means...

(Suddenly Harry walks out from behind the pub.)

Harry: Hey, Alex!
Alex: I thought so. 
Marche: Hi! Who are you?
Alex: This is Harry. Remember the homeless guy I told you about before?
Marche: Oh, okay. Hi Harry!
Harry: Hey.
Alex: I suppose you're responsible for this bland colour scheme then?
Harry: Yep, reflects the town nicely don't you think? I always liked a nice grey.
Jess: Wait... what exactly do you do?
Harry: Oh, I'm a potter. The best potter in all of Zazaria!
Jess: Ah-ha-ha-ha... Harry the potter. What kind of a stupid name is that?!
Marche: A potter?
Harry: Yep. I design, build and sell pots to people. There are quite a few regulars here.
Jess: Pots.
Harry: Yep.
Jess: *Pots*.
Harry: Yep.
Jess: Okay, maybe I'm just ignorant. But why the hell would people regularly need to buy pots?
Harry: That's simple. Heroes like yourself keep breaking them.
Jess: First off, I'm not a hero. Second of all, why would people just go around breaking random pots?
Harry: Well, duh. So they could get the gold or items that are in them.
Jess: So... let me get this straight. People buy your pots, put their valuables in them, and then wait for a 'hero' to smash the pot and take everything inside it.
Harry: Yep, that sums it up well.
Jess: ... I'm just going to stop asking questions now.
Alex: Good idea.
Marche: It's best just to take these things for granted.
Harry: Anyway, I'm on very important business now, so I can't stop to talk for much longer. See y' all later!

(Harry walks away.)

Marche: What kind of important business could a potter possibly have?
Jess: A deadly pot shortage? Who cares. Now, for far more important business. Now that we've arrived here, I think somebody owes me some gold.
Marche: Oh yeah, that. See the thing is, I don't actually have any gold with me.
Jess: Why the hell did you say you would pay me if you haven't got any gold?!
Marche: Oh I have gold, just not with me.
Alex: Didn't you still have some left after buying our armour?
Marche: Yeah... but I...
Alex: What?
Marche: I, uh, ate it.
Alex: WHAT?!
Jess: You have GOT to be kidding me.
Marche: I was hungry! I thought, you know, it might have been one of those chocolate coins...
Jess: That's so stupid I actually believe you. Now how the hell did you expect to pay me then?
Marche: Well, since we were going through what could be loosely classified as wilderness, I was kind of figuring a random monster would drop some, or we'd find a chest somewhere or something, and then just split the gold three ways. I don't suppose you found anything did you?
Jess: Uh... no. Of course not. What would make you think that?
Marche: The fact that I found two empty chests while searching for food.
Jess: Two? I never opened two chests.
Marche: Oh well, I guess it must have been some other adventurers.
Alex: Excuse me? At what point did we become adventurers?
Marche: At the point we had an exciting event.
Alex: ...
Jess: Anyway, I've just had a sudden change of heart. You don't need to pay me anything at all. I've been rewarded enough with the experience and wisdom I've gained.

(Jess runs off.)

Alex: Damn it, I bet she did find something.
Marche: Well anyway, let’s head over to the factory. I wonder which building it is?
Alex: I'm going to take a wild guess and say it's that one over there.
Marche: Why do you think that?
Alex: It was the big 'Beeragon' sign that tipped me off.

(The camera moves forward to reveal the Beeragon factory with the huge letters 'Beeragon' on it.)

Marche: Oh, I hadn't noticed that. Let's go then!
Alex: Screw that. I need a beer first.
Marche: Wouldn't the pub here also...

(Alex runs into the pub.)

(Alex walks out of the pub.)

Marche: No beer here either, huh?
Alex: Shut up. Let's go.

(Alex and Marche walk up to the Beeragon factory. Alex tries to open the door, but it is locked.)

Alex: Damn it. The factory isn't open yet. See, this is why I don't like mornings.
Marche: What are we going to do for the next hour then, if we can't go in and buy some beer?
Alex: I dunno. The real question is how you plan to buy some beer from the supplies when you ATE our only gold.
Marche: Hmmm... Maybe we should go find Jess.
Alex: Yeah, like she's going to help.
Marche: She might. Besides, she might know somebody who could loan us some money.
Alex: Oh, hell no. There is no way I am going to a loanshark.
Marche: Well... come on. Let's try anyway. It can't hurt, and it's not like we've got anything better to do for the next hour.
Alex: Oh, alright. You find some loanshark, I'll go find Jess. I've got something to say to her anyway.
Marche: Right.

(Alex and Marche walk off in different directions.)

(Alex enters the pub. There are only a few people around, and Jess is sitting in a corner by herself. Alex walks up to her.)

Alex: Hey, Jess. Do you mind if I sit here?
Jess: It's a free world. 

(Alex sits down.)

Alex: Look Jess, I'm sorry about...
Jess: Don't. I don't need your pity.
Alex: But I...
Jess: I'm not angry at you. 
Alex: Why not?
Jess: I've seen people far worse than you through the last few years. At least you were a polite rude arsehole. Heh. And also... Never mind.
Alex: ...

Alex: I didn't come here just to apologise.
Jess: I didn't think so.
Alex: There are a few small matters to take care of. First of all, I think you should still be coming with us.
Jess: What?! Just because I'm not angry doesn't mean I'm about to come along with you again!
Alex: The deal was you'd come along to protect us for our trip. Just because we reached Stelton doesn't make our trip over. You have to protect us BACK as well.
Jess: No way! I never agreed to that.
Alex: You did. You agreed to come along as a party member.
Jess: Yeah, for a *bit*.
Alex: It's too late for that now. You never said exactly how long, so by video game mechanics you can't leave unless there is a specific plot-related reason for you to do so!
Jess: ... That made no sense.
Alex: I don't really get it either. Marche just mentioned that last night.
Jess: Fine. But I still want my cut of any treasure.
Alex: Sure. But on that matter, I want *my* cut of any treasure that you found.
Jess: I didn't find any treasure.
Alex: Bullshit you didn't. Chests don't just open and empty themselves. Marche and I need some gold to buy any beer that Beeragon might have left in supplies.
Jess: Oh fine, I admit I did find ONE chest. But all it had in it was this stupid potion.
Alex: Hmm, a potion. That kind of sucks. But if you didn't open the other chest, who did?
Jess: Meh, who cares. You can have the stupid potion. Now go away and leave me to my coffee.
Alex: Wait... how did you pay for that coffee?
Jess: ... Fine. You can have a few gold as well. Now piss off.

(Alex walks out of the bar.)

(Alex walks up to the Beeragon factory. Marche is standing nearby.)

Marche: Hey, Alex! Guess what?
Alex: What?
Marche: I managed to get us some gold! For free!
Alex: For free? How the heck can you get money for free?
Marche: You know how we saw Harry leave here?
Alex: ... please, do NOT tell me you went around smashing random pots.
Marche: I'm appalled at you Alex. I would never do something like that.
Alex: Then why aren't there any pots around any more?
Marche: I went around smashing pots in an orderly and carefully planned fashion.
Alex: ...
Marche: No, really. There was gold in them and everything!
Alex: You DO realise what you were doing is against the law, right?
Marche: We're heroes. We're allowed to break the law for the greater good.
Alex: I don't think the owners are going to agree to that.
Marche: We'll probably be gone before they wake up. Anyway, how did your meeting with Jess go?
Alex: I convinced her to give us a few gold coins because, surprise, surprise, she did find a treasure chest. Oh, and I conned her into coming along with us a bit longer.
Marche: Great! 

(Alex walks to the door of the factory and opens it. He is knocked back as hologram guard.)

Alex: What the hell?
Marche: Ooh! I've heard of these. Geraldus the Grand Mage invented them. They're mental projections that can be given simple orders without further control. A mage can usually summon two or three at once, but Geraldus managed to create ten at once!
Alex: That's nice. And it's in my way.
Guard: Please state your business.
Alex: Uh... we want to find out what has happened to the beer supply.
Marche: And buy some from your supplies.
Guard: ... Please state your business.
Alex: Damn thing. I *said* I want to find out what the heck happened to the beer supply to Homtown.
Guard: You have used the phrase 'find out'. Do you wish to make an inquiry?
Alex: YES!
Marche: Yeah, these things do have the downside of not have human intelligence, and only following exact orders.
Guard: Did you say "yes"?
Alex: YES!
Guard: To confirm you said 'yes', please say 'yes'.
Alex: Fucking thing. YES!
Guard: You did not say 'yes'. Please state your business.
Alex: ...
Marche: Inquiry.
Guard: Do you wish to make an inquiry?
Marche: Yes, yes, yes, and for good measure, yes.
Guard: To confirm you wish to inquire about how we measure our ingredients, please say 'yes'.
Marche: No!
Guard: Please state your inquiry.
Alex: We want to know why the beer supply to Homtown has been delayed.
Guard: You said 'no'. Do you wish to cancel this inquiry?
Alex: NO!
Guard: You said 'no'. Do you wish to cancel this inquiry?
Alex: Oh that is it. I'm going to say this in clear language that anyone can understand, so listen up you stupid projection. I you don't let us in to see whoever runs this company, I am going to kill you.
Guard: The proud owner of Beeragon is Gar. Inquiry completed, have a nice day.

(Alex attacks the projection, and it vanishes.)

Alex: Come on. I've got a bone to pick with this 'Gar' person.

(Alex and Marche walk into the factory.)

(Alex and Marche walk into the Gar's office. The office is well furnished and taken care of, unlike the rest of the town. Gar is sitting on a chair behind his desk.)

Gar: Well! What do we 'ave 'ere!
Marche: We have an inquiry.
Gar: Did not the projection answer ye questions?
Marche: Uh, yeah... it kind of... broke.
Gar: Don't tell meh ye destroyed it.
Marche: Uh... yeah, that pretty much covers it.
Gar: Ah, well. I cen always summon another one.
Alex: Okay, time out. Your name's Gar right?
Gar: Ay.
Alex: Are you related to a Toby by any chance?
Gar: Toby? Ay, he be my older brother. He called meh crazy for not following our family legacy of fine smiths, but I be showin' him now! He just owns a small shop in tha small town o' Homtown, but I got meh own company that delivers to a whole country!
Alex: Yeah, about that. We were just wondering why the delivery of beer to Homtown has been delayed.
Gar: Oh. Well... technically, it's confidential business. But I'll tell ye because yeh look like the sort 'at can do someting about it.
Alex: Actually we...
Gar: Truth is, beer supply has been stopped everywhere. There 'ave been nay deliveries for a while now, and we do no' even 'ave any in our supplies.
Alex: Oh well, let's go then.
Marche: Hold on! I want to hear the rest of this.
Gar: Farmer Yggip, who usually supplies us wit' teh yeast we need, 'as disappeared. There 'ave been reports of 'im leaving his farm but he never arrived, and we have nay managed teh find another supplier.
Marche: And nobody has bothered to look for him?
Gar: Nay.
Marche: Great!
Alex: Wait, why the hell is that great?
Marche: Because *we* get to find out what happened to him, and restore the yeast flow to Beeragon so that we can restore the beer flow to Homtown!
Alex: No.
Marche: What do you mean, ‘no’?
Alex: We've found out what happened, so I'm done. I'm heading back to Homtown. I'm sure I can used to drinking... *shudder* coffee.
Marche: Come on! You can't just give up on getting a beer now! What happened that alcoholic I used to know... yesterday? This could be the first step on a, dare I say it for fear of getting smacked, grand quest! With us and Jess together, we can do anything! We can find this missing farmer and restore beer flow to Zazaria! And maybe find some treasure along the way! If you won't do it for yourself, do it for the greater good, and the greatest-damn-beer-EVER!

Alex: Hmmm... How about, no.
Marche: Ah, screw you. I'm cashing in my one.
Alex: What?
Marche: You promised you owed me one. Well now I'm cashing it in, for you to come along to find the farmer.
Alex: ... You do realise there is actually no way you could ever prove I said anything and I could easily just refuse anyway?
Marche: I don't think you will. I may have only just met you, but I'm willing to bet you aren't the kind of person who would go back on their word. 
Alex: ... Damn you. Fine. I'll come. 
Marche: Great! Now Gar, where does this farmer live...

(Meanwhile at the town gate, two people and one chicken enter.)

Person #1: Are you sure they came in here?
Person #2: Yeah I'm sure! We would have caught up by now if SOMEONE hadn't gotten us up so late.
Person #1: What the hell?! Five o’clock in the morning is not late! 
Person #2: Those guys were up at four!
Person #1: They're heroes! They shouldn't even HAVE to sleep! We're just a mysterious group of NPCs!
Person #2: Yeah well, boss'll probably fire us if we screw up again. Come on, let's go.

(The people walk into the town, the chicken following.)

[To Be Continued...]