Prologue

To: Joetheman@hotmail.com
From: Garethizzlemynizzle@hotmail.com
How’s it going man? You’ll never believe this: I finally ascended! Barry the wizard finally won!! :) I’ve got some screenshots on a disk, so I’ll show you tonight. Is 7:30 okay? My parents are going out so I can sneak out easily. By the way, have you heard from Markus? He’s not answering his e-mail tonight, and I haven’t seen him on any chat boards. Maybe he got busted for something... anyway see ya later.

Joe read the e-mail for a third time and glanced at the clock on the wall. It was already 7:40 and he hadn’t heard from Gareth again. Normally he was always on time, to the point where he would wait outside for a minute he was early. Sighing he booted up his laptop, figuring he might as well play Nethack himself while he waited. While his computer whirred and beeped he flicked through the channels on his TV.
“...but it is you that I love...” Beep. “...but Prime Minister, doesn’t...” Beep. “...teenagers have been missing for nearly a week, all disappearing...” Beep. “...hot. Ah-ha-ha-ha! No really...” Beep, click. Nothing interesting, as always. Joe wished his parents would get pay-TV. Typing quickly on his computer he brought up his latest Nethack character: Mia the atheist pacifist Lawful Female Gnomish Healer. If he won this would be his fifteenth ascension, so he figured he’s make it something special. He stared at the screen, and began to absorbed by the game yet again...

Mia look around nervously. This was her first journey into beyond the Valley of the Dead, and she was warily surprised at how easy it had been so far. Her three pets had killed everything easily, leaving her to wander around sorting through the various loot. She was picking through the remains of a minotaur now. Wand of digging, pile of gold... nothing interesting. Still she was running low on wands so she picked up the wand of digging anyway. Hefting it into her bulging backpack she blew her whistle to summon her pets and descended into the next level.

Mia looked around. Something seemed different here, as though an evil presence were about. She couldn’t see anything immediately unusual though and continued. A huge WHOOSH noise appeared nearby and she frowned as Zippy the Archon shrugged off another accursed flame trap. She groaned in annoyance noticing that his boots of speed had been burnt. All of a sudden a chilling cold shuddered through her body. Gasping she saw one of her most dangerous foes nearby: the arch-lich. She whipped out her whistle and summoned her pets... but nobody came. Glancing around she couldn’t see anything else by the dull candle-light. Gasping again as the arch-lich placed his dead-cold hands on hers, she stepped backwards away from him. What had happened to her allies? She had no choice. Crossing her fingers she zapped her newly-gained wand of digging downwards, only to find it empty of all charges. The arch-lich laughed evilly and monsters appeared all around her. Mia quickly read a scroll of teleportation, but found no effect. This must be a special level of some kind... A vampire nearby sunk it’s teeth into Mia, who gasped in pain. She felt a disgusting feeling and found she was slowly being covered in slime from a nearby creature...

Ding-dong, went the doorbell. Joe frowned and went to answer it. How was he going to get his healer out of this one? To no-one’s surprise it was Gareth at the door, twenty minutes late.
“What took you so long?” Joe ask. Gareth frowned.
“Bad traffic,” he replied.
“But you walked here,” Joe stated.
“Yes, but because of the bad traffic the stuff for the party was delayed. My parents were called and told to wait another half an hour before going. Henceforth I am also late,” Gareth explained. He withdrew a floppy disk from his pocket and his expression brightened. “You’ve got to see this.”
“A floppy disk? You still use floppy disks?” Joe said surprised.
“Yeah so?” Gareth said. Joe shrugged and the two walked to his computer.
“Hey, since you’re the new master of Nethack, you think you could give me a hand now? I’m kind of in a bad spot,” Joe said, showing Gareth the screen. Gareth sat down and thought for a moment.
“No scrolls of taming then?” he asked.
“No,” Joe confirmed. Gareth shrugged.
“I don’t know. Now come on, you have to see my wizard!” he said, looking around Joe’s computer. “Does thing even have a floppy disk drive?” Joe pointed it out to him. From behind the two a door slammed.
“Will you two keep it down? Gees.” The speaker was Tara, Joe’s older sister. Joe opened his mouth to reply, but stopped. His reply probably would have embarrassed Gareth. Instead he settled for rolling his eyes. Tara strolled over and looked at the game. “You’re playing that lame thing again? How about getting a life?”
“What is it exactly you have against this? It’s no worse than your stupid Barby game,” Joe countered. Tara blushed slightly.
“I stopped playing that junk years ago! Anyway, let me think... oh the pathetic graphics, lack of difficulty, lack of plot... I could go on, but I have better things to do,” Tara listed.
“And presumably the fact that you really suck at it?” Gareth said coolly. Tara glared at him.
“I could beat your stupid game any time I felt like it!” Tara snapped.
“Go on then, take a shot! I’d love to see the RNG take a shot at you!” Gareth challenged.
“Gareth!” Joe exclaimed. Tara walked up the keyboard.
“No I meant...” Gareth said, reaching to stop Tara. Joe, realizing what she was going to do, also pushed forward. In an instant all of their hands smashed into the keyboard at once.

Mia had no idea what to do. In panic, she dropped her bag of holding, which contained most of her supplies and back-up items. The monsters around her sliced at her, as she engraved a message into the ground: Yendor. Dragon-breath whizzed by her and she ran, falling straight through a trap door and plummeting into a watery cavern as the slime on her began to constrict her breathing.
Joe stared at the screen in frustration, then turned and glared at the other two. Gareth hung his head, but Tara looked cocky.

“See? All the monsters are gone. Aren’t I a good player?” Tara boasted.
“Err... may I suggest you pray to the RNG?” Gareth said slowly. Joe waved his suggestion away with a hand movement.
“Ha! I don’t need luck. I’ve got skill. I wouldn’t pray to the RNG even if my life depended on it,” Joe said, shaking his head at the screen. For a moment the only noise was a loud clap of thunder from outside, and the rustle of leaves blowing slightly in the wind.
“This is why Nethack is supposed to be a one player game,” Joe said after a while.
“Yendor...” Gareth mused. A second burst of thunder was heard, louder this time.
“You aught to turn that thing off,” Tara said. “You wouldn’t want to get hurt now!”
“Piss off,” Joe said. Gareth nodded his support. Tara stepped back, faking shock
“Oh! Well excuse me Mr. Really Nerdy Geek, If I just...” Tara began. In an instant the room was filled with a bright harsh light. Tara screamed as lightening exploded into the room, ripping the roof and walls apart. Joe stepped back from the computer, and Gareth made a grab for his precious floppy disk. Joe felt a wave of nausea and vertigo hit him.
“What the...” he started, before there was a harsh pain and he felt nothing.

The room was silent as the lid of the laptop shut slowly with a small click. The wind suddenly blew again, this time containing the hint of a ominous noise: quiet laughter...