Chapter One: Unto the Dungeon

Joe opened his eyes, then closed them again as a bright light hurt them. A few moments later he slowly squinted his eyes open, and as they adjusted he could see again. He slowly got up and looked around. He seemed to be in some kind of underground room. There was a staircase leading back upwards, and a closed wooden door leading out. Joe was also surprised to see a kitten, puppy and a pony walking around in the corner. Joe looked at himself and noticed he was wearing some kind of chain-mail armour, along with a helmet and some gloves. A wooden shield lay at his feet. At his side was a sword and a large heavy lance. Joe stuck his hands in his pockets and felt some food: apples and carrots. For some reason this scene seemed oddly familiar...

“What the hell?” Joe mumbled to himself. The last thing he could remember was a large noise, and the whole room spinning... Joe stared at the food he was carrying. Well that ruled out dieing and going to heaven anyway. Was this some kind of dream? Joe pinched himself, and felt nothing but pain. Not that either. What was this place then?

Joe took the sword in his hand and swung his sword around experimentally. Either it was light, or he had somehow got a lot stronger. He felt a small shock in his leg and jumped back. A huge bug of some kind was standing next to him! Joe instinctively slashed at it with his sword, missing. The pony nearby galloped up and bit the bug in half, crunching it between surprising strong teeth. Joe stepped back.

Oh-kay... Joe thought, edging away from the pony nervously. Suddenly the door nearby swung open. Joe swung around and saw a small skinny figure dressed only in a long flowing cloak. The two stared at each other for a moment, before the figure spoke.

“Joe?” the figure said. In an instant Joe recognized the voice.

“Gareth? Is that you? What the heck is going on?” Joe said. Gareth - at least the small figure that seemed to be Gareth - walked towards Joe. Joe could see despite his small size he was carrying a variety of stuff at once.

“I have no idea. Lightening hit the room or something, and then I woke up here, like this. I saw Tara nearby a minute a go as well,” Gareth said, sitting on the first step of the stairs. Joe watched as the puppy wagged it’s tail and trotted up to Gareth, who gave it a quick scratch.

“This place is weird. Just before you came in that pony ate a huge bug. It reminds of me something...” Joe said, trailing off. He and Gareth sat for a few moments, and heard a crashing noise from in the distance.

“What should we do?” Gareth asked.

“I dunno. Hey what have you got?” Joe asked. Gareth shrugged, pulling out his stuff and showing Joe.

“Let’s see...a few potions, a few scrolls... who actually uses scrolls any more really? A couple of books... ha, like I’m going to sit down and read at the moment, a huge stick of some kind, some kind of smaller stick, a flute and these cool rings,” Gareth said, showing Joe two shiny gold and silver rings on his fingers. Joe suddenly gasped. “What?” Gareth asked.

“This is going to sound really crazy...” Joe begun. Gareth laughed.

“Any more crazy than this?” Gareth said, indicating the room with his hand.

“Well, doesn’t this seem all a bit too familiar? Like... Nethack?” Joe said dramatically. Gareth stared at the items on his lap for a moment and began to laugh hysterically. Joe waited for him to calm down.

“Like, Nethack? No way, that’s just a game. But on the other hand... well there is one way to test this theory,” Gareth said, standing up again.

“What?” Joe asked. Gareth sighed.

“The safest way would just be to read this book,” Gareth said, pointing to the shorter of the books he had, “but as it is I’d rather just try the wand.” Joe opened his mouth to object, but before he could get a word out Gareth pointed the wand at the puppy next to him. To Joe’s surprise a strange purple ray shot out and struck the puppy in the paw, wounding him. The puppy yelped and hobbled out of the room. Joe and Gareth remained frozen for a moment.

“That... makes no sense whatsoever,” Joe said.

“Sense or no sense, if this is real we’re in danger,” Gareth said. Joe however was grinning broadly.

“Give me that wand! I want to go fry some newts!” Joe said.

“Joe, this is Nethack! It’s too risky. We’d better just find Tara and leave,” Gareth reasoned.

“Don’t worry, you’ve got the master to protect you. Come on, let’s have some fun first. I wonder what a lichen actually looks like?” Joe said, getting a mischievous look, “Or, for that matter, a succubus?”

“I’m serious okay? This is...” Gareth began again. Joe sighed.

“Fine. But first, what items did you get. Shouldn’t you automatically know?” Joe asked. Gareth looked over his items more thoroughly.

“I don’t think... oh wait, now you mention it they do look a bit familiar. Almost as though I've seen them before... Let’s see... Spell books of force bolt and light, potions of healing, oil and water. Oh for peets sake this is pathetic. Scrolls of teleportation, create monster and identify, Rings of stealth and... oh crap,” Gareth said. Joe looked concerned.

“What?”

“Cursed ring of teleportation,” Gareth said, motioning towards one of his rings. Joe frowned.

“Wait a minute. Can't you only start off with uncursed items?” Joe asked.

“I think so... It doesn't really matter now though, does it?” Gareth pointed out.

“That sucks. Let’s make this quick then. You’d better show me where you saw Tara. By the way, do you know what class she was then?” Joe asked. Gareth though for a moment.

“Tourist I think,” Gareth said. Joe laughed, then walked up to the pony.

“This would be my pet then? I’m calling it Bill!” Joe said, giving him an apple, which he ate greedily. Joe gathered his items, and grabbed Gareth’s wand.

“Hey!” Gareth protested. Joe replied by chucking him an apple. Gareth rolled his eyes and walked out of the room.

Joe swung his leg up on the pony, and dug in his heels.

“Knight, eh?” Joe said to himself, considering their advantages and disadvantages. His only knight ascension had been his first, aided greatly by several wands of wishing and genociding almost everything possible. “Neat.”

Tara looked around. This room was just as boring as the last. Didn’t anything happen is this stupid game? Oh sure at first it had been exciting, after all she never knew this Nethack thing had virtual reality, but now it was just getting tedious. And what was with the items? What kind of screwed-up fantasy game had credit cards for god’s sake?

“And where exactly is the enemy?” Tara said aloud to herself. Four rooms now, and nothing but a pile of gold and a fountain. Boring. Tara sighed and sat down, not knowing where to go.

“Oh lookie a weak little adventurer, ripe for the killing,” a gruff voice said. Tara looked around and saw a small kobold approaching from a dark passage. Tara stared at the dog-like creature. She had to admit it had pretty realistic graphics! The expression of hatred on it’s face, the drips of blood from it’s scimitar... it was perfect. Almost too real. Tara jumped up and looked through her back-pack. There must be some weapon in there... As the kobold came closer Tara gave up frustrated. She didn’t have any weapons at all, except for some stupid darts. Tara sighed and picked a handful up.

“What’s the matter, nothing to fight with?” the kobold snickered, readying it’s weapon. Tara smiled.

“Bring it on little freak,” she said, hurling a dart. To her disappointment the dart fell short by a metre or so. The kobold snickered more and grabbed the dart, hurling it back into Tara’s arm. Tara flinched, and grabbed her arm in pain as it started bleeding. Those darts were pretty sharp. Tara became worried as the kobold drew a dozen or so of its own darts and began throwing them. Another two hit her and she stepped backwards.

“This is so not fair. You should be waiting while I think!” Tara called. This only caused the kobold to laugh harder and throw another dart that missed. “Stupid creature,” Tara muttered. She held her arm painfully and took a deep breath, running forward. Another dart painfully collided with her leg, but she managed to hurl another few of her own, hitting the creature once. The two circled each other for a moment, then threw two darts simultaneously. The kobold missed, but Tara managed to hit and kill it. Tara grinned and went to collect the fallen Kobold’s darts to add to her own.

“Now this is fun!” Tara said.

“Ok, so this is where I last saw her,” Gareth said, stopping in the middle of a long splitting hall. Joe looked around from the top of Bill.

“I can’t see anything. Pity neither of us started with a light sou... Oh wait. Duh. Gareth do me a favour and cast light around here,” Joe said, dismounting.

“Er... how do actually cast something? It’s not like there’s a button anymore or anything,” Gareth said embarrassed. Joe thought for a moment.

“Try looking through the book, maybe it’ll give you a clue,” Joe said. Gareth nodded, sat down and opened the book. Joe began looking through Gareth’s stuff, counting his apples and other trivial tasks. Five or so minutes passed before anything interesting happened. Joe listened carefully and heard what seemed to be a low growling sound.

“Gareth. Gareth!” Joe said, disturbing Gareth. He looked up questioningly. “I think you’d better grab your quarterstaff.” Suddenly a few jackals came running towards the two from the three passages. Joe could hear several more behind them. “Get in a passage!” Joe yelled, doing so himself. A jackal reached Joe first, clawing at his leg. Joe sliced back angrily with his sword, and managed to cause a major wound of the monster. Gareth reacted too slow and was caught in the junction between two of the jackals, unable to fend off both at once. Joe fought at the jackals quickly, and managed to slay three of them quickly, since their teeth couldn’t manage to penetrate his armour. Gareth was badly wounded, and had only managed to kill one of the five attacking him.

“Get back!” Joe yelled, moving aside to allow Gareth to move behind him. Gareth ran behind Joe, tripping over as he passed. Joe resumed his offensive position and proceeded to slice at more of them. He could hear noises from not far away, which he guessed was Bill fighting another few. Time passed and soon the last one had been killed. Joe slumped to the ground exhausted.

“At least they didn’t catch us in the open,” Gareth considered, resting on the floor and continuing to scan his book. Joe munched on an apple and tried unsuccessfully to clean his sword. A minute or so past before Gareth got up again.

“I’ve got it. It’s an invocation and a few symbols in the air,” Gareth said. While Joe watched he wrote a few runes in the air, and called out “Light!” Joe blinked as the area nearby became a lot brighter.

“That’s it? ‘light’?” Joe asked.

“Uh... yeah,” Gareth said, putting away the book. “Anyway, let’s move on shall we?”

Tara sat down near the corpse of the kobold munching on a food ration. These things tasted disgusting. Tara was already getting bored of this game. Sure the fight was kind of fun, but all that had appeared since then was a newt and some kind of moss that died from a single dart. Tara decided to try and find Gareth again. He would know how to get out of this game for sure. Tara began walking back the way she had gone, taking a drink from the fountain. The water tastes foul. Once Tara reached the place she had seen Gareth all that was there now was a pile of corpses from a recent battle.

“Now why can’t I get to fight a whole bunch of stuff like that?” Tara muttered to herself. She looked around and wondered which way they went. There was a trail of blood leading down one passage, but the other passage seemed to have been lit somehow... Tara chose the lit path. She was sure a wimp like him would go that way.

“Where could that sister of your got to? We’ve searched the whole level,” Gareth complained truthfully. “You don’t suppose she’s already gone downstairs?”

“I don’t think so,” Joe answered. “Think about the dungeon layout.” Joe grabbed a twig nearby and engraved a rough map of what they had explored into the dirt. “From where we’ve started and went, she couldn’t have got to the stairs unless she passed the corridor before us, but she couldn’t have gotten past the jackals without killing them.” Gareth paused in thought.

“Yeah I guess. We’re going to have to split up to find her. If you take this route,” Gareth began, making more markings in the dirt, “and I take this one she won’t be able to get past us without us knowing. We can meet back here afterwards.”

“Okay. Who’s going to take her cat?” Joe asked, motioning towards the kitten nearby that had been tailing them from a distance.

“Who cares?” Gareth replied. Joe shrugged and hopped on Bill again. When he turned back he saw that Gareth was gone already. Joe noticed he had left his items behind, so he added them to his own and began to follow the route. Joe past through three rooms and killed a few more minor foes with his sword before he finally found Tara.

“Tara! Get over here!” Joe called out. Tara turned around from the door she was about to open.

“Oh look who it is. You never told me that you had virtual reality in this game!” Tara said. Joe looked over her and was relieved to find that she seemed to have no lasting injuries.

“Look, I don’t have time for this. This whole thing was some kind of freak accident, and we need to leave NOW,” Joe explained. Tara raised an eyebrow.

“Really? And if I feel like staying a bit longer? You can’t tell me what to do widdle brudda,” Tara said, laughing. Joe frowned in annoyance.

“I’m not joking okay? Can’t you just trust me on this for once?” Joe said, pleading to Tara’s good side. Tara shrugged, and looked through her inventory, drawing out a handful of darts.

“I know! How about I just kill you’re stupid alter-ego, then you can’t nag me anymore!” Tara said, throwing a dart. The dart flew straight and hit Bill in the leg. Joe moved back and Tara was about to throw another one when the small kitten walked out in front. Tara stopped.

“Hey, it’s my cat,” Tara exclaimed. Joe smiled for a moment. When she was younger Tara had always wanted a cat as a pet but had never been allowed. Tara walked up and gave the kitten a hug.

“Look who’s gone soft,” Joe said. Tara scowled and put the kitten down.

“Shut up,” Tara said. Joe got off of Bill and took a step forward.

“Tara we’ve got to leave. I’m not sure what might happen if you lose, but whatever it is it won’t be good. We have to leave,” Joe said in a last ditch attempt. From the look on Tara’s face he could tell he had taken the wrong approach.

“Are you kidding? There is no way I could lose this stupid game. How many times have you won? Fourteen wasn’t it? It can’t be difficult if even you can win! I’ll come get you when I’m ready to...” Tara was cut off in mid-sentence. As she stepped backwards a trap-door opened beneath her and she fell down into darkness. Joe rushed to the side and looked down, but couldn’t see anything below. Joe stepped back and thought quickly. If he didn’t go down to help Tara she could easily try and fight something too powerful, randomly try drinking potions or some other simple mistake... on the other hand if he did go after her now Gareth would be left with no idea where he went, and without most of his items... Joe made his decision. He bent down with his sword and engraved into the dirt: ‘Elbereth Elbereth Elbereth Gone down after Tara - Joe’. Joe carefully placed Gareth’s items, including the wand, down on top of it and discarded his now-blunt sword. Finally Joe mounted Bill again, braced himself for impact, and jumped down the trap door.

Gareth looked around confused. He had appeared in a small room, with no obvious exits. Cursing his stupid cursed ring, he began to search the walls in hope of finding a secret door of some sort. After a few minutes he still hadn’t found anything. Angrily he checked what he had. All that he was holding at the time was his potion of oil and scroll of create monster. That and his cloak and stupid ring. Gareth stopped and counted the length of the room. To his annoyance it seemed to be about two by three metres long, so it couldn’t be a vault. Gareth decided he couldn’t be bothered searching, so he just sat down and waited. It wasn’t until about ten minutes had passed that his ring activated again, teleporting him near the stairs down. Gareth walked over to the run and saw that Joe had already gone, taking his stuff with him.

Hmmm... If we don’t move together the plan isn’t going to work at all and Tara could still get past. Joe probably noticed my absence and decided to move. But where? Gareth thought. If he went around the level then trying to find him could be difficult if he is still looking for Tara. On the other hand if he went downwards then Tara could have, or may have already gone down too. I’d better go downstairs and try to find them. Gareth took a few deep breaths and walked down the stairs to the next level of the dungeon.

Joe plummeted downwards after Tara. It took only a moment before he crashed painfully into the ground. Joe struggled up and looked around. He couldn’t see Tara around him. Either they had somehow ended up on different levels, or she had already left. Joe was hoping for the former. He struggled back on top of Bill and walked off to the closest door. Joe tugged at the handle to find it locked. Irritated, Joe dismounted Bill and kicked the door. The sound reverberated around the dungeon, probably alerting every monster nearby of his presence, but the door refused to open. Several kicks later the door still held fast. Angrily Joe turned around to see Bill was gone.

Great. Just great. Joe thought to himself. He began to walk forward when he found his progress halted by a large dog-like creature that Joe recognized as a large kobold. Joe went to draw his sword... then realized he had left it behind earlier. Joe took a step back towards the door realizing the full extent of his predicament. Because of the dark passage he couldn’t see far away enough to use his lance either. Joe’s mind raced. He didn’t have any other offensive items at all, or anyway to escape. The door was his only chance. Joe ran backwards and smashed into the door with all his might, but it still wouldn’t budge. He smashed it again, but still no movement. Joe yelled out as the large kobold stepped next to him.

This is just my luck, Joe thought. He considered. There was no reason at all the door shouldn’t give out the next time he crashed into it, but he couldn’t shake of the feeling that the usual rules didn’t apply any more. Joe dropped his lance and clenched his fists. The large kobold slashed at him with his scimitar and hit Joe in the arm. Joe gritted his teeth, trying to ignore the pain, and punched forward as hard as he could. Joe ducked as the kobold jutted the scimitar forward, and kicked forward as hard as he could. His kick landed on the kobold’s leg, and the kobold staggered for a moment. Joe saw his chance and tackled the kobold hard. He and the kobold collapsed backwards, and the scimitar flew to one side. Joe pummeled the creature’s stomach, but it didn’t seem to feel his blows. The kobold shoved Joe off and he fell backwards again. Joe grabbed the scimitar and shuddered as he felt a chilling cold go up his arm. Ignoring it, Joe sliced forward, cutting one of the kobold’s arms clear off. The kobold punched forward with it’s remaining arm, but the Joe managed to dodge it and counter, striking critically. The kobold grunted in pain, and fell to the floor. Almost reluctantly Joe cut at the kobold one last time, killing it. Joe gasped for breath after his fight, and saw Bill walk up.

Why couldn’t he have been here a minute ago? Joe thought annoyed. He tried to throw the scimitar away, but it was cursed and stuck to his hand. Joe tried a few more times, but gave up. Like it or not, he was stuck with the weapon for a while at least.

Joe rode down the passageway. After resting from his last fight he noticed that the wound in his arm had healed surprisingly quickly. It seemed some of the features from Nethack also applied here. Joe came to another door, and found this one did open. He opened it and peered through. He could see Tara lying on the floor, not moving. Joe gasped and swung the door open, running up. There was another body of a hobbit nearby and blood everywhere, though Joe could not tell whose. Joe ran faster, and came to rest next to Tara. Joe checked for her breath and was relieved. Tara was still alive: indeed she seemed only to be asleep. Joe saw an empty flask nearby and guessed that was the cause. His relief was quickly stopped when he turned around. A pack of manes were entering the room slowly, blocking off all exits. Joe cursed his luck again and considered. He couldn’t leave Tara here now when she couldn’t defend herself. The manes slowly closed in, and Joe counted them. There were a massive eleven and out in the open most of the could attack at once. Joe dismounted Bill and readied his cursed scimitar. The odds were against him, but he might still be able to make it. Joe quickly searched Tara’s pockets and took out an amulet. Joe considered for a moment and left it. The odds of it being useful were too low. He grabbed a few of her enchanted darts, and began hurling them inaccurately with his left hand. Not one managed to hit a mane. The manes were only a few metres away now, and Joe mentally prepared himself for battle, stepping next to Tara’s body, pushing slightly. Joe gasped, seeing an inscription beneath it. It was faded, but the writing was still clear: ad aerium. Joe knew this inscription marked a teleportation trap leading to a vault. He look around at the closing in manes and considered. Did he have enough time? He knew he had to risk it. Joe didn’t waste time searching, but straight away started kick wildly at wall next to the engraving. After a few kicks the wall crashed open, revealing a small space behind it. The first of the manes moved next to Joe, swiping at him and hurting him. Bill wildly bit and kicked at the manes surrounding him. Joe reached down and grabbed Tara’s body and equipment, and barely managed to grab it. The manes swarmed him, biting and slashing. Joe felt his health slowly leave him. With determination he took one last sad look at Bill, and stepped into the small area. He heard a loud noise and strange sensation of being torn apart, and then found himself in a tiny vault filled with gold. Joe placed Tara on the ground and emptied out what little gold he had collected. Now all that was left was to wait.

Gareth quickly began exploring the second dungeon level. After a few rooms it seems he had been right in thinking Joe had come down here; corpses lay on floor and there was little of value left anywhere. Gareth was walking to the third room when the floor suddenly collapsed below him and he found himself stuck in a pit. Thankfully there were no spikes in it, but Gareth was still annoyed. He poked his head out to find that no monsters were nearby that could hurt him. Gareth gathered his energy and hauled himself out of the pit, continuing onwards. However he had only just turned the corner in the next passage when he stopped still. Facing him only a few metres away were a huge group of manes. Gareth stared at them for a moment, and panicked. There was no way he could defeat that many manes with his low magic, or with his weak weapon. Gareth turn around and ran. He knew that manes were slow, and he should be able to avoid them easily enough. Soon he was out of sight, near the stairs upwards. Gareth wondered what had happened to Joe and Tara... surely they couldn’t have been killed by the manes? Gareth shook his head of such thoughts, and was suddenly staring into the face of a mane. Gareth panicked again and spun around. He was in the middle of the group of manes, having been teleported their by his ring. One of the manes bit and him, causing a painful wound on his leg. Gareth ran, squeezing past two manes into the open again, and felt another attack wound him on the back. To his horror he found himself facing a wall, with no obvious way to escape. The manes moved slowly closer and Gareth cast a single force bolt, killing only one. He cast another, and killed another, but found himself already low on magic. Nevertheless a third he cast, and leant on the wall panting, out of any mental energies, and with eight manes closing in. Gareth cursed his luck and stared at his ring, wishing it would activate again. The first of the manes moved next to him and Gareth reached into his pockets for something... anything! He pulled out a grey flask and suddenly realized what to do. Gareth searched his pockets again, finding a box of matches he had been carrying when he was moved here, and lit the potion of oil. As the mane bit at his leg, he hurled the potion into the centre of the group.

BOOM! The potion exploded loudly, and shards of glass and burning oil splattered all over the manes next to it, killing all but the one next to Gareth. Gareth grabbed his staff and smashed the last one over the head. He managed to hit it three times quickly before it moved again, killing it. Gareth collapsed onto the floor exhausted, when suddenly a passage appeared in the wall only a few metres away from him, the figure of a royal guard in it. Gareth stared as the guard waited for a moment as Joe came staggering out, carrying Tara’s sleeping body.

“What happened to you?” Gareth asked concerned. Joe looked surprised to see Gareth.

“What happened to you?” Joe asked, staring at Gareth’s splattered cloak and the dead manes nearby.

“Don’t ask. We’ve got to get out of here,” Gareth said. Joe nodded his support, and the two began to carry Tara out of the dungeon.

“...so then I had to wait for the guard to get me out of there. Pretty neat eh?” Joe recounted. Gareth shook his head.

“This is what I meant before, it’s too dangerous to stay. We...” Gareth was suddenly interrupted by a purple ray shooting past him, barely missing his head.

“Get back!” Joe yelled, diving behind a corridor, pulling Bill and the puppy in cover. Gareth moved backwards round another bend in the hallway.

“What the heck?” Gareth said as another beam shot down the corridor, “I though you had my items!”

“Didn’t you come down the trapdoor? I left them their, protect by Elbereth!” Joe called back. Gareth shook his head.

“I went down the stairs after I teleported away!” Gareth said, motioning towards the ring on his left finger. Joe peered down the passage, but couldn’t see anything

“Well what now?” he asked. To Joe’s surprise he heard a groaning from behind him and looked around.

“That potion tastes like... huh? What’s going on?” Tara asked groggily, getting up from the ground.

“Long story short you drunk a sleeping potion and we had to haul you out of danger,” Joe said quickly. “Don’t move, there’s something out there with Gareth’s stuff.”

“You can’t tell me what to...” Tara started, walking out into the passage. Another magic missile blasted at her, striking her painfully in the arm. Tara ran back into cover.

“We could just wait until he runs out of charges, it’s not like we’re going to need it once we’re out of here,” Gareth considered.

“Screw that, Gareth step out just for just a second and cast light. I’m going around the back way,” Joe said, saddling Bill and riding around the corner. Joe quickly rod past the puppy and opened a door through a room, and back into a passage. If he remembered correctly he should now be behind whatever was firing. Poking his head around the corner he could see a lowly goblin carrying most of Gareth’s items. The goblin cringed as a light flared up, and he fired back with the wand angrily. Now that Joe could see the goblin properly he stepped out carefully and lunged forward with his scimitar, cutting the goblin in half and killing it in one hit.

“I got him!” Joe called down the passage. Gareth and Tara came walking up and Gareth took his items back.

“This is getting boring. I’m ready to quit this game now,” Tara said reluctantly, rubbing her sore arm. Soon the three stood at the bottom of the stairs upwards.

“Hey does anybody know what happened to Marmalade?” Tara asked, looking around. Gareth shrugged.

“I dunno. Let’s get out of here,” Gareth said, stepping up the first step. Joe watched as Gareth waited.

“Are you going up or not?” He asked. Gareth’s expression turned to surprise and fear.

“I... some kind of force is preventing me from moving!” Gareth said fearfully.

“What!?” Joe said. He walked over to the stairs and tried to walk up. To his surprise his feet refused to move any further up, as though there was some kind of barrier preventing them from moving. Tara let out a sigh.

“Nice try, now let me out of this game,” Tara said, pushing Gareth aside. She walked up the same stair, and fell back down. “What are you doing? Tell me how to quit this!”

“Oh crap. We’re stuck,” Joe said, in stun. He collapsed onto the ground, head in hands.

“What now then? There must be some way to get out...” Gareth said nervously.

“Well we could always go get the Amulet of Yendor and win the game, but somehow I don’t think that’s going to happen,” Joe said sarcastically.

“What then? We can’t just stay here. We’ll be a sitting duck for monsters,” Gareth reasoned.

“I don’t know! We could always try to reach Minetown, it’s reasonably safe there,” Joe thought.

“Hey I know!” Tara said.

“What?” Gareth asked in annoyance.

“What about that mystic guy you were talking about earlier? Isn’t he in this game?” Tara asked.

“No. That’s a different game... but know you mention it we could always try asking the oracle,” Gareth said.

“The oracle? When has the oracle ever helped?” Joe said depressively.

“Perhaps not normally... but think about it,” Gareth said, getting excited. “Normally you can’t do any more that just get a random consultation. Surely now that we are in the game ourselves we could ask more specific things!”

“I guess... Okay then. But we need to stay together this time. Okay Tara?” Joe asked. Tara sighed.

“Fine. But only if I get the puppy!” Tara said, pointing to the puppy who was lying in the corner. Gareth shrugged.

“Whatever. Come on, we’d better hurry before any more monsters start appearing,” Gareth said. Joe nodded and the three gathered their items. Gareth handed the puppy over to Tara.

“I think I’ll call him Rover!” Tara said excitedly. Joe and Gareth looked at each other, and wisely decided not to comment. Joe mounted Bill, and the three left the room and began their descent to the Oracle of Delphi...